3am

3 am is a time for lonely people, a time for people who over think. Its a time for creatives, those trying to finish a project, too absorbed in their craft to notice the time.

3am is for the party lovers. For the people spilling out of the clubs as they close, not wanting to go home so soon.

Currently, 3am is that tipping point between night and day, when the darkness is at its peak before, as if by magic, the world becomes lighter again. Its a time which feels stuck, almost like a limbo, much like this lockdown.

The silence of this time is simultaneously a blessing but also totally deafening. I fear making a noise too great, it seems unnatural to watch a video or listen to the radio at this time so instead I opt for writing down my thoughts and feelings. Suddenly, 3am starts to feel like a retrospection and things start to fall into place.

3am is a rare time to see. It’s often too late to stay up to and just that bit too early to wake up to.

Obviously there are people out there who work nights and probably see this time quite regularly but I wonder if those people who spend more time in the limbo of the early hours are more at peace because there aren’t as many distractions from the outside world.

3am, in my flat, is currently a place for retrospection and contemplation, a time to miss people and cry until I inevitably fall asleep again or decide to get up and face yet another day in lockdown.

I have only been struggling for a couple of days but there are some of you out there who have been struggling for weeks, months even, as the lockdown continues to disturb regular life.

For those of you who are also up at this time, try a sleep hypnosis podcast. It might seem silly to listen to a calming voice telling you that you are feeling sleepy but for some reason, it works. Whether it’s hearing a different voice, whether it’s because it’s calming and relaxed, or a mixture of things, listening really helped me to stop. It stopped the thinking so I could drift off.

One of the things I learned during my counselling sessions a few years back was the importance of distracting ourselves when our brains start to think of things we cannot control. If we are unable to do anything about our situation, unable to better the situations by actions then the next best thing is to forget about it for a while. Give your brain the much needed rest.

Sure you’ll feel guilty at the beginning, as if somehow taking a break from worrying is going to make the situation worse, but persevere as a break from stress can, more often than not, help us to gather our thoughts when we are more in a place to deal with them.

I hope we all can learn a thing or two about finding inner peace, without meaning to sound too Buddha, and although I don’t wish people to suffer, I also wish people could witness the humbling impact of 3am.

As always, my message box is open if anyone wants to talk, be it on here as a comment or though twitter @kirstyawriter.

I also created a Spotify playlist for sleep which is a mixture of guided meditation and nature sounds for a truly good night’s sleep. You can find it here.

Until next time.

Is Lockdown The Perfect Time To Get Things Done?

Lockdown has given us the opportunity to get things ticked off our to do lists which we haven’t had time to do in our busy pre-lockdown lives. Whether it’s finally getting round to read that book you’ve been meaning to read, or play that game, or work on that project, we’ve reached a time when we seem to have endless amounts of free time to get stuff done. However, things are still not getting done.

The washing still piles up, that skirting board you’ve been meaning to touch up with paint still goes untouched, and you’re still kicking yourself because you haven’t spoken to that family member as much as you think you probably should.

It makes a statement about us. No matter how busy, or not busy we are, we will only make time for the things which interest us or at least itch at us enough for us to do it.

It’s still important to try to motivate ourselves regardless.

Admittedly at the moment, we can’t travel, we can’t see friends or family in the flesh and we can’t have a cold pint in the local pub or eat fresh grub in our favourite restaurants, however, what we can do, and what we’ve done for thousands of years, is adapt to our current living situation. If we can learn how to make fire and hunt food, we can learn how to relax and feel more comfortable in our own skin.

Time is still moving forward, contrary to my last post, at a slower and a much calmer pace than before but it is still moving and we have to learn how to move at this reduced pace.

People have been adapting, just look at the sheer amount of sponsored posts on social media, the increased influencer posts from small businesses trying to grab your attention. People are trying to make the best of the lockdown and I truly believe that this is the opportunity to better ourselves in one way or another.

We could learn a new language and broaden our horizons, take the time to catch up and get on top of our chores because once we do, we’ll feel a whole lot less pressure. We can exercise and work on our fitness so we can show off at the beach when we’re able to visit. We can work on our business, bite sized chunks at a time, to keep our options open and our brains active.

Most importantly, we need to learn that just because it feels like it right now, as we sit in our homes, time has not stopped, and neither should we.

Keep moving, keep bettering ourselves so when we see each other next we can compliment each other on how we’ve grown.

Until next time.


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2020: The Year The World Stood Still

2020 is definitely the year that stood still. Since lockdown begun, we have frozen all forward motion, as if stuck in a limbo of what ifs and buts. Nothing seems quite right, the natural order of things have been knocked off track and come to a stand still, we’re waiting at a red light before we can get moving again.

But when we move again, will things ever return to normal, or are we to establish a new equilibrium? One where social distancing is a part of our everyday lives and the fear of germs is overwhelming?

The UK’s Chief Medical Officer has advised that we may have to see social distancing in place until a vaccine is found as, although we have reached our artificial peak, we haven’t seen the full capabilities of the virus gone wild.

This being said, when we begin to move again, how long will it take to recover? How long before we will be able to return to the safety of our 9 to 5 jobs, our comfortable routines? Will we need to try again, try something different?

When we see the green light to go, will we be mentally prepared, or will we see hesitancy, people too afraid to jump right in, the fear of uncertainty and newness a strange and unwelcome sight?

I for one, am feeling rather lost. I plod through each day but rather with lack of enjoyment. I long for the days without stress and worry, for love and happiness to run amuck. I want to embrace my family and friends without caution, without prejudice. There’s a great deal of difference between my life before and now, including a 9 to 5 office job and financial security, and hectic socialising in between, but I’m getting surprisingly used to the empty days, much to my dismay.

There will be good days again, full of sunshine and laughter, when we are all safe to do so, we just have to wait and watch this black cloud blow over. Once the storm has passed, we’ll soon see what our new lives will hold.

As 2020 stands still for us, I ask the question: will life ever be the same again?


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