Coping With Anger & Angry People

I’m not above feeling rage, I don’t think anyone is. If we went through life without feeling true anger at least a handful of times then we haven’t exposed ourselves to enough people.

It is impossible to be liked by everyone.

You might be the golden child, a poster child for all that is good. You might be popular and have lots of friends but someone, somewhere will butt heads with you simply because your personalities are wildly different.

Its how we choose to perceive and deal with this anger which shapes and defines us.

There are some people out there who choose to be angry at the world. They were hurt too many times and now they’re closed off to the world, unable to see it as it is. They choose to act out like bratty children who don’t like the toys they’ve been given. These are the argumentative people who choose to face life head on in a kind of shout first, ask questions later, approach. If you’re one of these people then please ask yourself: what are you hoping to achieve by being this way? Arguments are there in life to air grievances which couldn’t be discussed in a civil matter. Arguments stem from an issue or issues which have been bubbling under the surface for a long time which haven’t been resolved in the way we want them to. When we argue its ultimately to try and make ourselves feel better. It’s selfish but sometimes it’s necessary if we cannot approach a conversation calmly.

However, when life begins turning into a constant argument and the anger is continually bubbling inside, then that’s when we need to start addressing the issues which are really bothering us. These attitudes we chose to adopt will shape us, and will lead us into an early grave because our hearts are full of anxiety and anger.

I have found that arguments rarely solve anything. It’s just a lot of loud noises from two people not listening to each other.

I have found that a much easier approach to life is to sit and really listen to yourself. Listen to what your body is telling you. Start writing down your thoughts and feelings, even in a journal you’ll never show anyone. Really assess what is making you feel angry and upset.

For me, if I feel angry it comes in waves. It becomes this overwhelming sense which overtakes my body and a younger me would have lashed out. But as I’ve got older I’ve realised that the phrase “pick your battles” is incredibly potent.

Before you argue and get angry and lash out at those around you because life has got your knickers in a twist, think to yourself “is this argument really worthwhile? Will it achieve anything?”

If the answer is no then take a deep breath and release it. Goodness knows controlling your anger takes patience and time but once you learn to release that anger and start actually facing your inner demons, you’ll begin to let go of that rage which has been bubbling under the surface.

The same goes for when people want to argue with you. Some people will just want to push your buttons on purpose to get a rise from you (most likely the people you butt heads with) and even the best of us can lose it just because they push us to a breaking point because they want you to feel as frustrated as them. It’s during these times that it’s important to remember that they are feeling this rage a lot of the time and there are issues they want to air but maybe they need coaxing to find the actual reason they’re angry.

Sometimes it can seem like that person is unreasonable and nothing will calm them down, that everything you say is just adding fuel to the fire. When you feel like you’re close to breaking point, take a deep breath and tell them that when they are ready to have an adult discussion about what is wrong without attacking you, you’ll be ready to listen and then remove yourself from the conversation.

Remember, the more you rise to them, the more you give them a chance to release that inner anger. They need to learn to deal with that anger on their own, it’s not always your responsibility to resolve the issues of others.

You are only responsible for your own emotions.

So whether you are dealing with anger in your life or whether you have someone in your life who is particularly argumentative and you’re getting nowhere with them, it’s important to take a step back and reflect. What is the real reason behind the anger?

Looking past the top layer of frustration of events, in order to deal with anger we have to look deep within ourselves.

For instance, in one of my relationships, my partner really frustrated me all the time and I didn’t know why until I started looking at what triggered me and then what triggered that and so on and so forth. I learned that small things like not doing the washing up or helping around our house was winding me up which in turn made me look at why that upset me so much. It turned out that I felt undermined, I wasn’t his equal but someone he was treating like his mother or hired help. I wasn’t feeling affection in the traditional couple sense, which led to me realising that I’d fallen out of love with him. That meant once I’d realised this, I could talk to him about what was wrong and it wasn’t just an explosion of “why haven’t you done the washing up!” or “You need to show me more affection!” because ultimately what I had discovered about myself made the anger disappear and in its place was sadness but this was the first step in the right direction.

I think a lot of people get stuck in the anger phase because they are too afraid to deal with their problems head on. They worry that if they start self assessing then it’ll bring sadness, as if sadness is the end of the world.

Sadness is what makes us human. It is that emotion of losing something we once had, losing love, losing trust, losing our happiness. It is one of the most difficult emotions to pull yourself out of but it’s not impossible.

I had a discussion with my parents about the bullies I’d faced during my work time as a young adult and how I was pushed backwards against a desk as my 6″ boss in heels jabbed my shoulders in rage because she was angry at another member of staff. How I had a boss at another company who made a habit of shouting in your face, when something went wrong because he had two exes who were messing with his life and his head. I have equally seen these two bosses cry. I have been there to see them work through their anger and after two years of working for the second boss, I could start to see a change in him for the better.

Sadness isn’t an emotion we should be afraid of. We can face the abyss and still turn our lives around. Sadness is a necessary state of mind to cope with the stresses of life and once we accept these emotions we can start to grow and as we grow we emerge from sadness, stronger and happier than before, confident in the knowledge that we can face our demons.

Until next time.

Tarot Card Readings- Mythbusted

For those of you thinking that I have lost the plot and have turned a bit mystic meg with this post, let me just state one thing: much like astrology, tarot readings are simply something I have been doing as a hobby, I.e, this is something I do for fun.

Tarot readings are a placebo for what your mind is already thinking. The cards show a broad spectrum of possibilities without highlighting particulars, so much like astrology, if you’ve ever read your star sign in the local paper and felt as if it’s relatable, then that is your brain interpreting the words in your own way. I personally don’t think the cards are telling me something from beyond the grave or have anything to do with spirituality, I simply believe that tarot readings allow our brains to interact with the interpretation and develop our own critical thinking.

For this reading, I completed a Celtic Cross spread using the Wild Unknown Tarot cards by Kim Krans.

When we lay our first card in the centre of the spread, this is our present moment card, the heart of the matter. For me that card was the reverse chariot card which is a representative of strong will and triumph. For me personally, I interpret this card as me feeling strong willed and confident in my new flat. I have mentioned to my friend Lucy that I was feeling more confident since everything happened to me last year and I have felt stronger and more fixed on my goals. I believe that with this focus I will be able to achieve these goals.

The second card is our potential obstacles and for this I pulled the lovers card, an unusual card to pick in this position. It is a card that usually means union, desire, or joy but in this position I could interpret these “sins” as distracting from my long term goals but this doesn’t necessarily mean the distractions are bad, simply interrupting the overall goal.

The third card was the reverse hierophant. In this position, the position of our foundations and what has led us to our present, I could interpret this mentorship presence as my friends and family guiding me through my difficult past. The reversed position lessens the importance of this card but since it is a major arcana card, it is still seemingly important to me.

The fourth is another card looking backward at my past. This position is supposed to show the person receiving the reading possible energy that used to be strong and important in your life but is now fading. For this reading, I drew the emperor, a card that stands for protection, stability, and the father. My interpretation of this card is maybe my breakaway from the sheltered life I had been living with my parents as I am learning to live alone with my own responsibilities.

The fifth card begins to take a look at the future and on my horizon I received the empress which is a card that represents creation, nature and the mother. In the words of Kim, “her strength comes from being gentle and compassionate, and loving without binding.” My personal take from this is that I am opening myself up continually to receive a greater deal of love.

The sixth card is another look into the future and is our development position. The mother of wands is a vibrant and happy mother who takes pride in her family. For me this is a simple card that reflects on my constant growing relationship with my family.

The seventh position is the current mindset of the person receiving the reading. For me that was the ace of cups which is a card that stands for new beginnings, a card that feels like the perfect choice for my current mindset as I am loving my new start in my flat.

The eight position is our surrounding environment and was quite negative in my answer from the cards as it provided the devil card, a card that stands for temptation. My interpretation of this card is as a warning not to become too materialistic in my livelihood as this could have negative side effects.

The ninth card is our hopes and fears, a card which I drew the temperance card, a card that means attempting to find balance. This is both hopeful and scary and is perfect in this position.

The final position is the outcome for which, ominously, I drew the death card. Surprisingly this was not as bad as it first appeared, as it did not mean there was going to be a death or a dramatic ending, it simply meant that something was going to come to a natural conclusion. For me this may be closure or a finale to my anxiety which overall is hopeful and positive.

This has been a fun experience.

For some of you, this spiritualistic post has no impact on your interest levels, but you may have an open mind like myself, if that is you then I would highly recommend trying tarot for yourself. You might learn something or confirm something for yourself that had previously gone under the radar.

Until next time, be the best you that you can be.