Being The Best You & Encouraging Others

I found myself having a discussion about who I’d be in an ideal world if money wasn’t an option. I said that if I could buy what I liked, when I liked, that I’d be one of those women who ate avocado toast for breakfast, drank healthy smoothies for lunch, did yoga in the early hours of the morning and pole dancing lessons to strengthen my core. My partner said he’d love to take up skating again and get some sort of exercise routine going.

Our discussion got me thinking about how we could mutually encourage each other to do these things, to make ourselves the best versions of ourselves. We ended up looking for used in-line skates on Facebook marketplace and gumtree to see if there were any cheap skates going. Unfortunately there weren’t at that point but the seed had been planted so that we could keep an eye out for the future.

My partner suggested that I start getting up with him in the morning and doing my yoga then in the living room, following along to a YouTube video. The only hurdle I have to overcome in the mornings is actually getting out of bed that early and not just wasting the time on my phone.

I enjoyed our discussion, our small sharing session incited excitement and got the brain cogs whirring. It also felt like an intimate discussion, an honest expression of our hopes and dreams, albeit humble ideas. It’s these kinds of conversations I live for, these two way streets which allow both parties freedom to express themselves without fear of being judged or persecuted.

I highly recommend opening a dialogue with your significant other about what each others hopes and dreams are for the future. If both couples are willing to discuss, it’ll offer a really fulfilling conversation which I think is much needed during this current climate.

So how about it? What are your hopes and dreams for the future? How can you see your best self? Are there small steps you can take now to achieve these goals?

Until next time.

Are You A People Pleaser?

It’s incredibly unhealthy as adults to require the approval of others in order to feel fulfilled in our own lives. Regardless of this fact, there are an incredible amount of people who feel the need to please, even when this behaviour can cause more harm than good.

But why? Surely if we’re pleasing people then our lives will be easier, more manageable? When we want to please our friends, family or coworkers doesn’t making them happy just make sense?

Well, in short, no. Spending time making others happy is prioritising their emotions over our own for starters which in turn causes us to doubt our self worth. Suddenly other people’s thoughts and opinions are more valid than ours because we have conditioned ourselves to think this way.

With the fluctuating moods of people, we also can’t control someone else’s happiness. Some days they are just destined for a low mood. It is not up to us to make them feel better. Sure be a good friend and be on hand but don’t make their happiness your number 1 priority above your own.

Have you noticed this sort of behaviour in yourself? Have you noticed that when your friend is sad that you almost absorb their sadness with them? Do you feel as if it’s your duty to try and control the situation? Do you feel like sometimes you’ll agree to something even when you don’t want to? As if by saying no you’ll rock the boat?

If you answered yes to any of the above then, like me, you have reached the first level of self improvement: awareness.

When we’re aware of what makes us tick and how we act in situations, we can adapt and improve with time and become better, more well rounded and happier individuals.

I’ve learnt to look at my own behaviours in life and try to better myself for my own happiness. I have looked at who I am, flaws and all, and accept myself for who I am and you should do the same. Without criticism, look inside yourself and all your behaviours, both good and bad and accept yourself for who you are. It’s important to note that at this stage acceptance is not complacency, and it is simply a stage we must meet before we can move forward and begin our adjustments.

Much like when we’re told to put the oxygen masks on ourselves before helping someone else in an airplane, we need to look after ourselves before we can offer assistance to others. It’s that age old saying of trying to fill up someone’s cup with an empty jug.

In order to build upon what we’ve already developed, we need to learn to speak up when we feel wronged without the fear of judgement, say no once in a while and tolerate when someone criticises us without taking it to heart. Not everyone can like you, it would be unfair to put that much pressure on yourself to think that way.

Once we learn how to deal with the fact that we are not mind readers and cannot possibly get everyone to like us, we can move onto building a more positive community around us. Of people who aren’t afraid to criticise us and help us to grow. These relationships we choose to have around us give us strength to be vulnerable around people and speak our mind more freely. I have a few select friends who give me love and support when I need it but also take no shit. If they don’t agree with me then they’re going to say so. It’s not because they’re trying to be mean but they want the best for me without seeking my approval.

In the same way we develop physical relationships, our online relationships should also reflect these ideologies. We often spend too long on social media chasing that dopamine high from likes on our photos or comments which is another form of validation we think we don’t need but can’t help but want.

In this case, I’m trialing a separation between myself and Facebook. We’ve been together since 2007 and I have grown up with it close to my heart ever since. I was part of a generation that could reach out to friends after school or college through social media but some of those so called friends were influencers on my behaviour today. I was the less listened to person in the group, the one with the loud laugh because I knew it caught their attention, I was not validated by these people and it made me feel rubbish. Now I have taken this trait forward and I don’t much like it. I no longer have the loud laugh and I’m getting better but I can tell the background noise is still there, still impacting me to this day.

As I’ve hit more and more milestones, I’ve witnessed these so called friends hit more and they seem happy, as if life has handed them lemons and they’ve built a lemonade empire. But this is the impact of social media. No one posts about their bad days, only their good ones. There are no unedited photos on their featured sections, no unemployed statuses or mental health posts. We see what they want us to see and what we see we compare ourselves to. It’s simply not real and validation from these types of platforms are superficial and cause fake highs.

I think we need to adjust our perspective.

We need to learn to not be so selfish in thinking that everyone will love us. We need to accept that everyone we meet is different and like a joke, we’re going to meet people who find it funny and those who don’t. We need to learn that criticism mostly comes from a place of love, our friends and family want to see us succeed and help us to grow.

We need to learn to love ourselves, take care of ourselves and let our self esteem expand.

Ultimately, if we can let go of our anxieties and go with the flow a bit more, we should end up living happier and more well rounded lives.

Until next time.



Adding Childlike Sparkle To Your Life ✨

It’s this time of year especially when we can get in touch with our inner child, where we don’t mind singing at the top of our lungs the wrong lyrics to a Christmas song, or get creative while we craft our decorations. And oh what fun we do have in these times. We forget the stresses of life and lose ourselves in the moment, free of cares or worries.

But why do we only get in touch with our inner child when we’re near Christmas? Surely everyone would be a lot happier if we lost ourselves in childish ambition once in a while.

Pablo Picasso once said that every child is an artist and it’s only adulthood which squashes this ambition. But does that mean that artists are just big kids who never lost that creativity? I hope so.

When 2020 rolls around we’ll not only be entering a new year but also a new decade. It feels positive but also like a new beginning. It becomes even more poignant to be able to reflect on the last ten years but also look forward to the next decade with a childlike ambition and sparkle in our eyes.

I propose that in this next decade we do more silly things just for fun. Sing more, dance more, tap into that creative mind to create something new and innovative because if we do this I believe we would all suffer less with stress and care less about what people think around us about jovial topics such as how what you’re wearing doesn’t aesthetically please someone else.

If you’re like me and you’re not around children a lot then it can be easy to lose touch with what it means to be childlike. It can be easy to become a very serious person, stressed, anxious with problems which to other people can seem insignificant and probably are to you as well, if you dig deep enough.

I toyed with the idea of teaching. I thought I could be an art teacher, watching young adults develop their skills and learn to love being creative. It’s still something that intrigues me but a part of me thinks that that boat may have sailed as I encroach my late twenties, the big 30 balloons waiting in the wings ready to announce that I’m no longer a spring chicken. However, no matter old I get, as long as I maintain a positive attitude with the odd childlike tendancies, I think I’ll always be young at heart.

What do you think about getting reconnected with our inner child? Is it a silly notion or something which could actually benefit our oh so serious society?

Until next time.

Life Update: Where Are We Now?

As I keep saying to my boyfriend Darren, this year is a year of firsts. From the blog perspective, this means trying videos on my posts, and social media tactics I wouldn’t have tried prior to this year. It also means trying online shopping properly for the first time. From a business perspective it means taking on creative projects like art installations for The Mad Catter Vintage Cat Cafe in Eastbourne which is proving to be both intellectually stimulating as well as encouraging my imagination.

As previously mentioned, I am still struggling with the work/life balance, however weekends are now proving to be both productive as well as socially recharging.

This year has been a year of firsts but it’s also been a rollercoaster ride of events. From breaking down on our way to Chessington last week, to travelling to Portugal in March, to spending time developing my creative business and having opportunities to do so has meant this year has been a mixed bag of ups and downs. This year has seen death but it has also seen an abundance of life and passion, love and creativity and has shown me that it can be one big surprise, one after the next.

I am blessed to be able to say that I have lived life to the fullest, I have had adventure after adventure and have created memories which will last a lifetime.

While I look around, I see that the most fulfilled people are the people who have explored their passions and followed their dreams. My brother is now working in Ireland doing what he wants to do, Lucy is opening her cat café next month, Louise is about to pop a baby out, Andy is getting married, Ruth has successfully moved house, and I am so incredibly proud of all them and wish them all the best during their adventures.

Whether you have had a small or large life success we should learn to celebrate these. It is also worthwhile celebrating the life successes of others, as we should be able to celebrate and be happy for those of us around us.

I hope that the rest of this year will be as fruitful and as we creep into the darker, more dismal months of the year, I hope we can all keep our sights on our best futures, our new and existing adventures and grow into wonderfully enriched adults with a whole host of memories under our belts.

Until next time.

The Life Of A Career Woman: Hectic Schedules 🤯

For the past couple of weeks my calendar has exploded, making me feel like one of the most in demand people in the East Sussex area. I’m not and I’m only exaggerating for emphasis but I, like many others in this world, am struggling to maintain a healthy work/life balance as my life is missing one vital element: time to breathe.

From the moment I wake up to the time my head hits the pillow I am rushed off my feet. For starters I get an estimated six hours of sleep a night which is not ideal as I do love my sleep and it’s proven that less sleep can actually negatively impact your day as much as too much sleep can.

From the word go, I am rushing to get myself ready and in the car, opting to put makeup on when I reach the office instead of wasting precious time at home.

In an ideal world I’d have a driver and a PA to reduce my stress levels but who has the money, am I right?

Enough is enough. Stress is one of the largest killers across the globe, a preventable affliction brought on by an over abundance of empathy and the unwillingness to say no or disappoint people.

I work a 45 hour week roughly, and have spent an estimated additional 10+ hours on top of that designing logos for my friend’s new cat café opening in Eastbourne in the autumn, as well as running my blog (which, apologies, has been slacking lately). Across my weekends I am out and about constantly, socialising and recharging my extroverted batteries.

It’s safe to say that I’m exhausted.

So I have decided to manage my time better and allow time for myself. I am going to allow for an evening a week, or even two, where I can just sit on the sofa in my most comfortable pyjamas, listen to the ambient Dave Brubeck and relax, without worrying about anything else.

And this is the most effective way to reduce my stress. Not yoga, not mimosas with my girlies, or anything else. In order to relax, I personally need to take a step away from everything, shut off and be Kirsty, if only for a couple of hours.

How do you manage your hectic schedules? Let me know in the comments below or reach out to me on any of my socials (linked on the header of this website).

Until next time.

How To Sleep Better With Anxiety

Do you struggle to sleep when there’s complete silence? Turns out, I do too.

Ever since I was little I have always been surrounded by nighttime noise, as a child I’d hear my father’s ferocious snore through the walls of my parents home, as a young adult I house shared with people who loved to stay up late listening to music, watching films or playing musical instruments. As an adult that now lives on her own, I find my nights are quiet and although I sometimes have the company of my snore-y boyfriend Jordan, most of the time is spent in silence.

I wouldn’t say it was unnerving to be attempting to sleep in silence, but I would say that silence is deafening. It’s like the silence causes my brain to go into sensory overload and begin working overtime, even though quiet time is meant to do the opposite.

However, one sure fire way to send me to sleep is to put on background rain sounds (I found a really good Spotify playlist called Night Rain) or some other white noise sound effect.

So it turns out that this is a symptom for those with anxiety or other mental struggles as our brains crave sensory input and in doing something as simple as sleeping with a fan on, or having rain sounds in the background causes our brain to focus on something other than our thoughts.

So on further reading, I discovered pink noise. Sounds much nicer than white noise and apparently is meant to cause deeper sleep in comparison to those listening to white noise. Fun fact- pink noise actually sounds like rain so it turns out I was choosing the better option anyway!

For those of you struggling to sleep, it may be worth trying an ambient sound effect like the ones listed above. You may just get the best sleep you’ve had in a while.

Until next time.